Facebook
by ulquiorraschifferftw
Summary: OneShot - When Ichigo sees Rukia using Facebook on his computer, he is some-what surprised. What REALLY surprises him, is that not only is she an annoying, loud, midget, she is an annoying, loud, midget, YAOI-FANGIRL! - Total crack, first fic, be gentle!


-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-

**Facebook**

-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-

**Ichigo returns home from school one day to see Rukia on his computer. Much to his surprise, he sees she's on Facebook. She's using Ichigo's account - not that he knows -, and is going around searching for things about them. Yet to Ichigo's shock she turns out to be much worse than an annoying midget - she's an annoying, midget, _yaoi-fangirl_.**

-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-

Ichigo grumbled as he walked slowly in to his room. School had been a drag. As he walked in, he glanced over briefly at Rukia, who was sitting at his computer. "What are you doing?" He asked after a minute. "Nothing," she replied, and waved her hand in a "go-away" sort of motion. He narrowed his eyes.

"What are you doing, Midget?" He asked more sharply, and pushed her head down to get a better look at the screen.

Oh. Fuck. No.

"_Facebook_?" He said increduously.

She sniffed, and swatted his hand away. "Yes, now I have a question. What is 'IchiRuki'?" She said, and looked up at him with her wide, violet eyes. He flushed a deep red. "N-Nothing. Don't look at that shit!" He cried, and his hand dove for the mouse. Faster than lightning, Rukia picked up the mouse, and shoved it in her pocket.

"Why can't I?" She snapped, narrowing her eyes. Ichigo flushed. "Nevermind, I'm going to get undressed," He grumbled, and stalked off. Rukia rolled her eyes, and placed the mouse back on the mousepad. She turned her face back to the screen. After a moment of contemplation, she clicked the 'Comments' button. Perhaps that would tell her what IchiRuki meant.

"**AHH! THEY'RE SOOO CUTE! ^-^ GOOO, ICHIRUKI!**"

"**OOO, why is there only a like button? LOVELOVELOVE! ICHIRUKI WAS MEANT TO BEEE~!**"

"**DIE IN A HOLE ORIHIME~! ;)**"

..What on earth? Who was this person, and what exactly did they have against Orihime? She narrowed her eyes, and began typing up her own comment.

"**Why should Orihime die in a hole?**" She typed, and hit enter.

Moments later, several people replied.

"**LISTEN, ICHIHIME LOVER, FUCK OFF - OKAY?**"

"**Umm, other than the fact that she's an obnoxious, ditzy bitch who's vocabulary is limited to 'Kurosaki-kun', nothing, I suppose.**"

There were several other comments that said generally the same things. She scowled, and exited the commenting area. Let's see.. Pictures? She clicked on the button, and drummed her fingers as she waited for it to load. After she saw these, she supposed she would check out this 'IchiHime'.

Her jaw dropped.

Ichigo walked in the room just then, "Hey, are you getting off there soon because I need to use the- oof!" Ichigo cried out in pain as Rukia kicked him straight in the gut. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" He cried, shocked. Rukia snarled, and jabbed a finger in the direction of the computer, her eyes wild and crazed.

Hesitantly, Ichigo picked himself off the floor and walked over to the computer. He peered at the screen at then...

"Holy shit." He said aloud. _They got my face all distorted_, he thought miserably.

Rukia growled, "WHAT ARE THESE PICTURES? THESE ARE LIES!" She screeched, and tore forward, ready to lunge at the computer. Ichigo grabbed the back of her shirt before she reached her destination. "Oi, Midget, calm down. Nerds with no lives draw pictures of us all the time, okay?" He said quietly. She punched him in the face.

"YOU probably drew them...didn't you?" She snarled, her voice dangerous. Ichigo flushed bright red, "W-What? No! Hell no!" Rukia narrowed her eyes distrustfully, but after a few moments was brought to reason. Yuzu called up the stairs a few minutes after that dinner was ready, and Ichigo headed towards the door.

"Oi Midget, you coming?" Ichigo said, turning his head to glance at her. She shook her head, "Bring me up something," she said absent-mindedly, and wandered back towards the computer. He snorted, "Yeah, whatever," he replied, and headed out the door. Rukia plopped down in the computer chair. What other 'pairings' did these insane people come up with?

She scrolled around and searched her name in Facebook. Rukia Kuchiki, Rukia Kuchiki FTW!, You suck Orihime!, IchiHime haters, the damn IchiRuki page, and... RenRuki? No. There was...no way...anyone...could have that sick of a mind... No! It had to be someone else! Had to be!

She clicked it just to be sure.

There. Right there was a page saying how she and Renji were meant to be. How adorable they were together. How much they loved eachother. All of it. Right there.

"WHAT IS THIS?" She screeched, clawing at the air in fury as her eyes flew wide.

_Thump, thump, thump_, Rukia took note of Ichigo's footsteps coming up the stairs. Ignoring him, she searched for - some - any different Renji pairings.

...ByaRen? Who's name started with Bya? And... wouldn't Renji's name come first, if he was the male?

She clicked it out of burning curiosity.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" She screeched. Her hands flew forward, ready to throw the computer out the window when Ichigo's hands caught her's, steadying them. "Woah, take it easy, what's going o...o...on..." He trailed off as he caught site of the pictures for ByaRen. "NII-SAMA! MY WONDERFUL NII-SAMA'S NAME, RUINED! HE WOULD NEVER BE WITH THAT FILTHY, THAT...THAT DISGUSTING...THAT REVOLTING ABARAI!" She screamed, kicking her feet in rage. All Ichigo could do was gape. Slowly, he reached over and hovered the cursor over the X.

Rukia let out a cry of unhappiness.

Ichigo stared down at her in absolute shock. "What?" He said finally. She glared up at him, "I wasn't done looking, you idiot!" she snapped, jerked out of his grip, and plopped down on the chair once more. Ichigo's hand twitched. "...Are you...a...yaoi fangirl?" He managed to ask finally, after calming his breathing.

She sniffed, and changed the page. "I have no idea what that is," She said stiffly. Ichigo gaped more, "You...are, aren't you! Oh my god!" he screeched, and flew backwards as though Rukia had some kind of horrible disease. After calming himself once more, he walked forward to see what she was looking at now.

"Aww! Now see, this is completely possible," Rukia said aloud, nodding all the while.

Ichigo scowled and glanced over her shoulder. GrimmIchi. His eyes flew down to a picture of him blushing, while Grimmjow held him by the front of his bankai, and rested his hand on his lower back. Ichigo's face heated up furiously, and he spluttered in rage. "Wha...What the FUCK!" He screeched, and dived for the mouse. Rukia snatched it out of reach just in time. "GIMME IT YOU DEMON MIDGET!" He screamed, and tackled Rukia to the ground. She cried out indignantly, and kicked him squarely in the face.

"You're just embarrassed because it's TRUE!" She wailed, and flew back to the computer. She quickly clicked like on the photo. "WHAT? HOW THE HELL IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? HE'S DEAD, FOR GOD-DAMN'S SAKE! I KILLLED HIM!" He screamed, glaring at her. His face burned in utter mortification. Rukia snorted and rolled her eyes, "Oh, sure. That's what YOU think. But some person named Tite Kubo has him labeled as Alive," she snapped. Ichigo gaped, "Who?" he said, sounding mystified. Rukia shrugged, "Tite Kubo," she replied simply.

Ichigo brushed off this unimportant lie. "I'm turning off the computer," He said after Rukia started searching for another yaoi pairing with him. "What? No!" She cried. He snarled, and dove for the computer. She kicked him in the face absent-mindedly as he attempted to turn it off. "AWWW! You. Are. So. Cute!" She wailed, making cooing noises as she did. "What?" He said, and looked up.

OH. FUCK. NO.

"My HOLLOW?" He screeched incredulously. She giggled, "Of course! Look how adorable you two are togeth-" Ichigo wasted no time turning off the computer.

"That's it, Midget. You make me sick," he grumbled, and walked over to fall face-first on to his bed. His cheeks burned almost-painfully in mortification. Rukia whined unhappily, "I hate you," she said finally, as she attemted and failed to turn the computer back on.

He silently wondered how long it would take for her to figure out he had unplugged it.

-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-

**My first fanfic, so be gentle! Totally crack, but whatever. XD Leave a review, please! I'd like to know what you guys think! ^_^**

-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-[]-


End file.
